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Starting Over

April 19, 2009

Starting over really doesn’t happen. We don’t really get a re-do (unless the guy you’re playing pool with thinks you’re cute). Once we go down a path, we can’t just turn back. We all make bad choices at some point in our lives. Some of us marry the wrong person (I did the first time). I can’t just go back and re-do my life from that point. Life just doesn’t work that way. I can’t erase the damage that my first marriage did to me. I can move on from that point and hopefully on to a better place.

With nutrition, we can’t undo what we ate (and throwing it back up is just plain gross and comes with it’s own sets of complications like deteriorating teeth and the esophagus). Same with exercise, we can’t undo a routine we did that caused an injury and we can’t go back and do more.

Once you walk down a road, the road behind you is forever behind you. Turning back is not an option. Even if you tried to turn back, you can’t erase the steps you’ve already taken. Starting over is not turning back. Starting over doesn’t start you from the same point as before either. I’d be 19 again if I were able to start over.

Starting over really is just making yet another fork in the road. We can see that we’ve gone down a bad path and stay on it, or we can get the hell off the damn road! Sometimes turning off the road is spontaneous, like the end of my first marriage. Other times getting off the road is an accident- like roads with lots of curves and lots of little side roads. Sometimes we’re not paying attention and stay going to the right when the road really curved to the left. For me, that’s like my exercise. I do really well when I’m paying attention to where I’m going and can set the cruise here and there, but other times I need to watch the road a little closer.

To start over, all we need to do is take that turn off the road we’re on. Seems so darn easy but so many times the new road has cross roads with the old road and we get back on the old road (sometimes ahead a bit and sometimes back aways and having to retrace our old steps). Sometimes we need a plan of action before turning off the road. It’s hard to turn from a road when you know it so well.

Starting over isn’t easy because we don’t get that start point back. If re-do’s were possible, we’d all be miserable anyway, going back and changing our choices to no end. I’m glad time travel isn’t possible. We’d all be so self destructive nothing would get done. Starting from a new point- an unfamiliar point, takes effort.

So, I’m going to start making a bit more effort. My issue- fatigue, muscle tension, migranes (really bad nearly every spring and no I don’t have allergies). I know a good diet is probably the biggest help to all these. So, I’m going to turn off my road here of all the comfortable foods I know and walk down a dark scary looking path that might have me eating cashews. Tomorrow starts with taking chips and crackers out of my diet, but I’m going to try a week (with one cheat meal on Thursday evening with my mom) of eating things that live then die. If it doesn’t rot, I’m not going to eat it. Honey is excluded from that but I’m not eating honey anyway. I hate the taste of it. Fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and meats are all that’s left. I’ve been considering adding in beef- but it would have to be steak and not ground burgers- so I’m not so sure about that. I know I should be eating organ meats but I am unable to bring myself to do that at this point in my life. Give me time. Lots of time. Like I said, this path is a bit scary but this path is only a seven day path. It’s like a small hike. Then I can decide to turn back to my comfy cozy road of ill health and bad eating, stay on my path, or take a road somewhere in the middle.

To bad it’s only the roads behind us that are on the map. It’d sure be nice to have a map to the one’s ahead.

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. April 19, 2009 4:19 PM

    You might not be able to go back and change the past but you can go forward and change the future.

  2. jleeger permalink
    April 20, 2009 9:37 AM

    Take it slow.

    • April 25, 2009 3:28 PM

      VEEEEERY slowly! Can’t help but go slow right now. Another week of classes done though! I hope your’s are going well, too.

  3. RobFitness permalink
    April 22, 2009 8:27 AM

    You know every word you said holds exactly true in my life. I feel I could have written the same post, but then again you write so much better than I could. 🙂 I can totally relate to everything you mentioned here. I have been feeling the same way.
    What I am changing as soon as I get over this second case of Bronchitis is that I am or should I say have hired a trainer to work with me again. I feel it’s what I need to get back on the right fork in the road.
    I do hope that you are feeling better and all is going well for you. Just take it slow and don’t get overwhelmed.
    I know you can do this. You have proven yourself before that it can be done. I have all the Faith and Confidence in you that you will succeed and conquer.

    • April 25, 2009 3:31 PM

      Rob, you’re a wonderful writer! I hope all goes well with your new trainer, that’s an exciting new step! I’ll get back to things slowly. These last couple weeks of classes are the worst. At least they’ll be over soon. Apparently this is the worst semester for the work we have to put in- homework, tests, 6 minimum extra hours to be in the lab on our own time scanning, then the actual scanning exams! I have two of those next week that I didn’t include in my exams/quizzes. In fact, had one today- scanned the spleen and passed with 100%! So, I’m excited! I’ll be heading over to you today (finally) to get all caught up. Sorry I’ve been missing so long.

  4. April 24, 2009 7:33 PM

    Those sound like good goals to me. I sure wish I could get some redos though. I got a whole list of them for you if you ever find the redo button.

    • April 25, 2009 3:33 PM

      If I find that redo button I’ll break the darn thing. I’d go over my whole life hitting that darn button if I ever find it! Maybe I’ll give it to you, then I wont have to worry about it :). Lots of choices I’ve made poorly over my whole life. But all we can do is move forward, right? One moment at a time :).

  5. ladlam permalink
    April 26, 2009 6:18 PM

    Great post Michelle! I’ve definitely wandered way off the path lately. I’m thinking of putting up a fence…
    Sounds like you’re trying to eat pretty paleo – or is that primal? 😀 How’s it going so far? I had a break from paleo living last week but I’m trying to get back into it this week.

  6. RobFitness permalink
    April 27, 2009 10:22 AM

    Well Michelle I couldn’t stay gone for long. I miss blogging already 🙂 I thought it would be nice to take a break but decided just to add some better balance to my whole routine. On Tuesday I’ll be meeting with my new trainer and hopefully another redo from my recent relapse. I really need the structure and the motivation of a trainer to keep me on track now a days. I reaccessed my whole problem and I started going down hill once my old trainer left. So I am hoping that this will help me out and get nme back on track.
    Hope your’re doing wll and as I recall classes will soon be over, right? That should be a relief.

  7. divito9 permalink
    April 29, 2009 9:56 AM

    One of the great things about fitness is that the more you do it the more forgiving it can be. And yes mistakes are a pain, but in the long run the most important thing is the decision and sticking with it. One more thing I’d like to add is that all it takes are small choices and those add up to big changes 🙂 Good luck with your progress and congrats on staying away from the processed food for a day!

  8. RobFitness permalink
    April 30, 2009 7:32 AM

    Hope you’re still doing OK… I sure miss you but at least I can still read you’re blog and to check in with you.
    We all go through these, what I call phases, and I am sure you will make it through this as well. That’s unless you cam through with killing Josh with your workouts, then I guess you’re probably locked up and can’t really blog. 🙂
    then again now that your weather is turning nicer you might be outside and enjoying it while you can.

  9. judie611 permalink
    May 1, 2009 8:42 AM

    Any updates?? I hope you are doing well!

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