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Where do I fit?

June 27, 2006

Sometimes I feel like I’m not “welcome” anywhere. I’m a member of a couple online forums. One I left a while back but on rare occasions I do visit there. The other, I have pulled away from. I feel like I dont “belong” there. I feel, honestly, like I’m not part of that group. Is it them? Or is it me? I have a habit of pulling away and being a bit standoffish. So is my feeling like I dont belong because of my own actions or because I’m really just not welcome. And it’s really just not on online communities. It’s IRL, too. At school, I honestly dont have any friends there. And I’m sick of eating lunch alone! Yeah, I talk to some people, but I dont really know any of them well. And on lunch outings I’ve never, not once, been invited. And since we started I have tried, really tried, to not sit in a corner and hide like I used to. I do make attempts to talk to the other students.

 I think it must be me. But then, maybe it isn’t. Maybe I’m really not all that liked. Or maybe it’s both.

And why the hell do I care! I really dont think I’m ~that~ insecure. But then, after reading this, it sure sounds like I am.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Christine permalink
    June 28, 2006 5:03 PM

    Well.. without even saying it, I know you know that I understand. Totally.

    Ill address the online one… I dont think that is you.. at all. I think it is a big clique… seriously.. since I am not in that clique anymore.. Well you saw what was said about the surrogacy comment on the other one.. and you know who it was directed to. It took everything that I had to not tell these people I used to consider friends.. that, that was hurtful and asshole-ish.

    I think is simply comes down to people only wanting people who “approve” of what they are doing.

    I could rant.. but you know how it is, I guess.

    Like I said before.. it is like those people arent even the ones we knew for all that time…

    As for in person.. well.. you fit with me! HEHEHEHE!

    Believe me… I miss ya!

    Just come visit me.

    Boo to them.. they dont know what they are missing… and chances are they arent anything you would miss anyway.

    But– I understand where you are coming from. You know that.

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